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Archive for April, 2011

Three years ago, if you had told me I would be the woman I am today, I would have laughed at you. A stay at home mom? Practicing what? As it turns out, I love this woman. I love my life. I have never been so confident in myself. I am truly content for the first time, and though there are parts of me I might miss at times, I have faith those parts will reappear when they are ready. I will dance again. I will continue to choreograph. Some day, I will drink a strong espresso sitting outside at a coffee shop, writing. For now, I am mom and wife, and that is enough. It is more than enough.

This week, Julian and I started elimination communication (EC). Essentially, I am learning to follow Julian’s elimination cues and helping him relieve himself on the potty (or in the sink – his preference). I have wanted to begin this for quite sometime and am just now finding the dedication. It’s hard work, but it seems to be completely worth the extra effort. I have been peed and pooped on several times, but we are really making progress. I love the idea of Julian not ever having to sit in a wet or dirty diaper! It seems so right. Like any animal, babies naturally avoid this – we simply desensitize them in the Western world. Today, I’ve “caught” about half of his pees! I have also joined a yahoo EC group to get advice from other mamas. It’s amazing what our children can do when given the chance. Julian impresses me every day. I had no idea that he knew when he needed to go to the bathroom, or that he had been trying to communicate this to me his whole life. I’m finally learning his cues and his habits for toileting, just like I learned his hunger cues and sleepy cues. It feels great.

As a new mom, I feel like I learn so much every day. And it’s a different kind of learning than I experienced before becoming a parent. I used to take learning for granted. I learned all the time – in classes, watching documentaries, having adult conversation. Now, learning seems to occur on a smaller, but more meaningful scale. Watching Julian learn is simply amazing. The way he learns is not exactly what I’m talking about here, although it might be the inspiration. It’s more the way I learn about him, and about myself. I love that I’ve discovered the way he cues me before going to the bathroom, and that I’m figuring out the way my days need to pan out in order for me to feel fulfilled when falling asleep. It’s the little things about everyday life too – learning how to sharpen my knives and perfecting new recipes. I never really believed before now that home is what matters. In my previous life, I was too busy running to really appreciate home. Of course, I suppose it is the people who make a home, so maybe it was just that I hadn’t found my home yet. Either way, I have found home now, and I’m so glad to finally be here.

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100 Things (11-20)

I hoped one day you’ll read this and know how much I truly adore you.

I love…

11. The way you stroke my chest and face when you wake up before I’m ready to open my eyes – so gentle. You seem to say “Mama, why are you still sleeping?”

12. The way you smile at me when I come back from the other room. I hope you’re always that happy to see me.

13. The way you crawl – one scooch on the knees, then down to the belly, army style.

14. How you kiss me! Big, sloppy open mouth. 🙂

15. The way you chuckle each time we match an animal to it’s home in Eric Carle’s book.

16. That the dogs and cat make you so happy! You squeal with glee each time you see them.

17. The way your brain works when I ask you for a high five. You’re so proud that you know what to do!

18. How your hair is longer in spots on the sides and top of your head. It’s so cute.

19. The way you play the guitar! You really strum now. It is, by far, your favorite toy.

20. That you are such a snuggler. You love to be curled against me.

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Quite a Fall

Today, Julian fell off the changing table. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s the moment every parent dreads– the sound of the crash, the silence before the scream. I don’t remember if I caught him as he hit, or if I scooped him up right afterwards. Amazingly, he is just fine. Of course, I am not. I shook for several hours. I keep checking him all over for signs of damage — proof I am a horrible mother. He still looks perfect. Not a scrape or bump on him. It’s hard to believe, really. He fell feet first and landed feet, belly, chin. I don’t even know how that was possible. That’s what you always hear though: “I turned my back for a second, and he fell. I don’t know how he did it.” it’s true. A second is all it took. It was quite a fall. And quite terrifying. A moment I will, unfortunately, never forget.

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100 Things (1-10)

After a much too long hiatus, I am back writing. My beautiful baby boy will turn seven months old next week. Last week, I married his daddy. 🙂 What a beautiful life I have.

Because I never want to forget –

One Hundred Things I Love About You (1-10)

I love…

1. The way you hug me when I pick you up and hold you. You wrap your arms around my neck and make little sighing noises — hmmm. Hmmm.

2. The way you laugh when I kiss the sides of your belly.

3. The fact that you wake up happy EVERY morning. Sometimes you start smiling and talking before you even open your eyes.

4. The way you look at me and smile when you come off the breast. I’ve never seen more love in a look.

5. Your hands. They’re my favorite little part of you. The way they rest on my arms as I hold you in the moby. The way they grab me, climbing me. The way they find your mouth.

6. The way you curl into me to sleep. Your head at my breast. Your feet on my thighs.

7. That you almost always fall asleep nursing. Your arm across my chest.

8. Those precious moments that I have you sleeping on my chest – your head on my shoulder.

9. The fact that dada is your sound for all things that make you happy.

10. The way you wave. Almost from your elbow, with your hand flapping. It’s so adorable.

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