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Archive for November, 2010

This afternoon, I held Julian close as he drifted to sleep in my arms. He looked into my eyes and smiled as his eyes grew heavier and heavier. His little hands played with mine.

It is now 7:13 pm, and he is still asleep. He awoke once around 5:00 to nurse and then apparently decided to call it a night. I, on the other hand, am still awake, which means around 2:00 this morning, I will probably be regretting my entire evening. One would think I would catch on the the whole “sleep while baby sleeps” idea, but I haven’t yet. Hey, the laundry doesn’t wash itself.

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A Mother’s Shield

Sometimes I imagine that with every breath
I am encircling him. Surrounding
him with a barrier of love that protects him. I breathe
something up from within and slowly release it – a mother’s shield –
invisible, but stronger than bone. Stronger than muscle.
Stronger than skin. I stroke his hair gently and remember
his still-wet lips on my breast. Feel his tiny arms, now swaddled
only inches from me, wrap around that breast, cradling it. His favorite
part of me. I watch, in the dim night light’s glow, his stomach
rise and fall. Rise and fall. And I breathe
with him. Deeper than him. For him.

—–

Julian is nine weeks and five days old today. I told Alex (my partner and Julian’s daddy) that he looks so familiar to me. Like I’ve known him my whole life and couldn’t imagine him any other way. I’m sure nine weeks doesn’t seem like a very long time. To me, it feels both short and unimaginably long. Julian is growing so fast, but I can hardly remember life without him. What did I do all day? How did I spend my time? It seems I must have wasted so much time before he came along. It’s hard to even find a few minutes to shower and eat these days. In fact, just tonight I laid down with Julian to put him to sleep and woke up several hours later in my clothes, with makeup smeared across my face and my stomach growling fiercely. I was both excited and disappointed when I realized it was after 11. Julian had been asleep for over 3 hours! But so had I. I was hoping to get a lot done between the time I put him down and the time I curled up next to his warm, squirming body, ready to nurse him back to sleep. I suppose there’s always tomorrow. One of the first lessons motherhood taught me? Most things can wait until tomorrow.

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Welcome to Motherhood

Makeup-less, with one eyebrow tweezed and milk on my shoulder, I head into motherhood!

My reasons for starting this blog are fourfold:
1. To reflect on my life as a mother
2. To make myself start writing again
3. To keep friends and family in the Julian loop
4. To figure out what blogging is really all about

I hope someone other than myself ends up enjoying this. 🙂

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